Cops

"Yes, sir, by all means you can talk to the shift supervisor if you think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning? You want a warning? O.K. I'm warning you that when you run that stop sign again, I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen Pal, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in horse shit."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"Excuse me ma'am? You say you thought we didn't give tickets to pretty women? Well, you're right, we don't. Now, sign here.